Day 1 of the rest of my life

Sometimes I sit here and wonder why I am the person I am… was there any one point in my life that altered my life into the direction I am going. I used to be a happy girl who loved life and having fun. Now I am the girl who sits around and doubts myself. I am by no means a writer so those reading will have to bare with me and excuse my grammar mistakes.

Things in my life have gotten completely out of control. Our finances are in shambles to the point where we bounce checks every month. I have gained entirely to much weight and I am by no means proud of that. I have taken entirely to long to complete my Associates Degree in Criminal Justice. 

I know self confidence starts with yourself. But the way I was raised and the way I have been treated by others over the past several years has really lowered mine. I get little comments about my weight like, "you need to lose weight and you need to eat better and exercise." As if that wasn't stating what I already knew. Those little comments that are made about my weight and my looks that frustrate me and only bring  me farther down. I know what I look like, I am aware I need to lose weight and those people who keep making those comments only make things worse.

I get comments from my parents on why we can't pay certain bills or why we bounce checks. My mom likes to remind me that my husband and my father have the same job and get paid the same. So logically in her mind we shouldn't have any problems making ends meet. She fails to remember that she also has a full time job that contributes to their finances. Plus on top of us only having one job, we also have two children. Children cost money.

As for school I will make that a completely different days topic. My fears and high standards I set for myself are a topic all its own.

I struggle to call these resolutions, resolutions typically lead to failure. I call this my goals for the year. Goals are something you strive for, goals are something that when you reach them you feel accomplished and proud of your hard work. I am ready to feel proud of what I am doing and I am ready to start. First thing tomorrow morning I will start planning my next goal.

Goals:

* Lose 130 pounds

* Get Finances in order

* Start a savings account

* Pass all my classes with a B or better

* Write down everyday something to show my progress or how I feel

So I am going to make 2011 my life changing year. I am going to make my life better in every way I can. I am going to write my struggles, my fears, my failures, and my success down every day and my hope is that I can help someone else like me out. Heck maybe through this journey I will learn something about myself.